Worth Draco?
by Jiggy'N'FairPhili
Summary: Harry wants him, but at this present moment has his boob's stuck in the sink... fantastic... SLASH, you have been warned. CRAKFic
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone, (if there is anyone who reads my stuff) I'm here. It's Jiggy (Yes, I know it's a strange name). Here is my new fan fic. Lord of the Rings, with a twist is currently on hiatus as I am lacking in the reviews dept. If you want to read and review please do (bit of shameless advertising there.) If you think this story is good leave me a review and I will write more.

**Disclaimer: Sadly these are not my characters. Don't sue.**

_Warning: SLASH HPDM, you have been warned. If flamed I will use it for cooking and will feed you to my editor (who is very rabid, due to error withdrawal.)_

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Harry looked at thepotion congealing in his glass. It looks a lot like mould, he thought, do I have to have him this much? Harry had just made up his mind to drink it, when the potion let off a fart bubble. It stank and Harry nearly dropped the glass. Chocking, he began to re-talk himself into it. He wanted Draco so much, but it was only for 1 day. Was the risk of getting expelled worth a day of Draco?

Yes, thought Harry, it is.

God, I'm this desperate. I'm in trouble, he thought as he downed the glass of Polly Juice Potion.

"1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…" He got no further because the potion had begun to take effect. His skin bubbled like boiling water, then the pain shoot through his veins like it had the year Sirius had died and Voldermort had gone inside him. But Draco was worth it, that was the only thing that had made him like this. He had found an extended version of Polly Juice Potion and, even though it extended; it lasted for no more than 24 hours.

Harry curled in a ball on the floor and he had to bite his tongue not to scream, the tears poured down his face as he felt his hair lengthen and breasts fill out his jumper. The seams of his shirt split, and his waist band became tight as his hips widened. His vision went blurry as his eyes adjusted. His hair straightened, he had a black fringe, it was thick and lush; he shuddered as hair brushed his shoulders and then stopped growing. The pain had lessened, Harry was now able to lean against the sink. He almost fainted.

It had worked, he was Pansy Parkinson.

He was Draco's girlfriend.

He was the girl who took Draco's virginity.

He was the girl who Draco constantly pulled in school corridors.

He was the girl who sat with Draco at dinner.

He was the girl who had her bum constantly pinched by Draco.

He was the girl… WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

He looked down at his chest; it was huge, vast, enormous, gigantic, massive, mammoth colossal, titanic… by this time Harry had run out of words to describe his new physique.

Away in his dream world about Draco he hadn't realized it before but now… he couldn't stand up straight .he was leaning forward and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't pull himself out.

He heard a door open and someone came into the bathroom.

"I don't know where Pansy is." said Draco, in that sexy drawl of his.

This is when Harry realized 3 things:

He was Pansy.

He was in a boys' bathroom.

He was stuck with his chest in the sink.

Fuck.

Harry tried to run over to a cubicle. He found he could just about walk if he leant forward and tipped all of his weight back-wards.

This is insane thought Harry; I'm supposed to seduce Draco, not run away.

"Anyway Crabbe," Draco continued, "I'm gay, Pansy is a fun sex toy but… I don't think I've found anyone yet. I want someone – preferably a Slytherin – to do something to show that they really want me."

Crabbe grunted and headed for the cubicle Harry was in.

Double Fuck.

How can I get out of this? Thought Harry. I can't come out, and Crabbe can't come in. I can't lock myself in and pretend to be male, they'll wait for me to come out.

A bulb lit above Harry's head as he suddenly thought a thought.

He pulled off the toilet lid and began splashing water everywhere.

"Peeves is a bad boy!" shouted Harry, in a high pitch cackle, splashing water out of the toilet and under the cubicle door.

"Come on Crabbe, let's go use another bath room. Peeve's has an annoying habit of splashing toilet water over people as well as the floor."

Harry (now soaked) left the cubicle soon after the door shut with a whisper.

He attempted to straighten up, and with what he felt was enough force to lift a car, he stood up. Beads of sweat standing out his forehead, he promptly fell over backwards.

Triple Fuck.

This isn't going to be easy, Harry thought, but I love him and that is all that matters.

That sexy voice, sheen of hair, his misty eyes', his fit body… Harry was off in dream world… again.

No, he had to stay on track.

He had a limited time, he had to use every second. He put on Pansy's uniform that he had stolen earlier. Pansy was of course, unconscious in the Room of Requirement. She would, when she woke up, remember everything Harry had done like it was her. He had put a spell on her so she would think she had gone into the quiet room to fetch a quill she had left in there. She would then carry on as normal.

With skirt on hips and trousers in bag, Harry set off for the Slytherin Common room.

He passed Ron and Hermione on the way. He was just about to say hi when he realised he was no longer on speaking terms with them.

"I wonder how long Harry will be at that press thingy," said Ron. "Ever since he defeated Voldermort the paparazzi have been swarming to him like mosquitoes. Must be such a pain for him, but hopefully this interview he said he was going to should make them piss off. When did he say he would be back?"

"About this time tomorrow I think." Hermione replied.

Harry made his way down to the dungeons.

"Grifindorks." Harry hated to admit this but yes – he had stalked Draco once or twice…maybe more.

A he entered he walked down a stone corridor. His nipples hardened as he felt the cold. It wasn't helped by the fact he couldn't walk in Pansy's shoes as he couldn't walk in heels.

There was a massive wooden door, which Harry attempted to push, but with his new… weight, taking up most of his energy he couldn't do it. After a minute or two of shoving, Harry realized it wasn't because of his tits, but it was actually a pull door.

Not a fantastic start.

He plodded into the common room; he had only been in here a few times before, but had always been there against regulations, but this time –allegedly- he wasn't. He took his time to look around. The entire room was a dull stone colour. In front of a soot covered fire place was a circular rug. It had one green and one silver line swirling to the middle from the out side. There were plush green and silver trimmed sofas everywhere. There were no windows, but never the less green velvet hung from the ceiling. No windows meant no light, so snake shaped torches lined the walls, flames pouring out of the serpents' mouths. One which, appeared to be broken, kept snorting smoke out of the slits in its nose. A first year Slytherin walked past just as the serpent emitted a massive spurt of flame and set the fool's robes on fire.

Harry chuckled to himself- most Slytherins are such idiots.

Harry's mouth dropped open as…


	2. Chapter 2

**_By the way this is Jiggy, it's officially my story (I would rather not admit to it, but whatever.) Anyway I want reviews!! Laughs manically they are all mine!!Coughs as evil laugh dies to a snicker.(for all for all of you out there as silly as my editor snicker is a type of faint laugh)… Right, now that that is out of the way, I don't know how to rate this… Garr! Let me know how you think it should be rated, bearing in mind there will be … action… later, (I do want a better word by the way. I really should buy a thesaurus.) Oh yes, and many thanks to my editor, Hermione.(_Yay!-Editor.)_ Even though my mind makes her retch she still edits every Fic I send her._**

Harry's mouth dropped open as Draco walked towards him, hips swaying slightly. God, he must work out…

"Pansy… Pansy… Pansy!"

"Bubu…yeyaryu...Nonono… I mean yes, Draco."

"You're drooling."

Crap.

"Oh, I was just thinking…about… how sexy you look today."

"Oh thanks," Draco drawled, smoothing back his hair, "I'll give you some later Pansy; right now I'm in a rush. Sorry. I'll do you tomorrow."

With this thought in mind Harry almost fainted right there.

After entering several dorms that weren't his, and walking in on a naked 3rd year, Harry found Pansy's dorm, did a little tap dance, and collapsed on the bed. (Harry is very good at tap by the way.)

Yay!

End of Friday lessons', a Saturday as a woman sex toy to look forward to.

This was going to be so much fun.

A girl Harry had never seen in his life.

"Hi, what's your name?"

"I'm only your best friend since 1st year! Pansy, are you pissed?!"

"No sorry, just messing."

"Yeah? What's my name then?"

Double Crap.

Then it occurred to Harry this girl looked a lot like Goyle.

Goyle's sister!

"It's Jasmine, how did you think I would forget that?"

"Yeah, whatever. Any way, remember we were going to do that make-over and have a really girly night? So roll out the make up, Chick Flicks, gel bras and Dildos! We are having a part-ay!"

Dildos!? _(My thoughts exactly- Editor.)_

Over the next ten minutes more girls' came each bringing a bag. Harry would rather take on Voldermort again than find out what was in those.

He learned that the girls' names were Kylie, Mads, Jade and Biz.

"Right," said Jasmine (who had made herself chief now the 'Pansy' had gone insane.) "We'll start with… Pansy! You need a good makeover. Right girls! What colour theme are we doing?"

"I think Pansy would suit a… red, black and silver look." replied Mads.

"Kylie, you can manicure and paint her nails. Jade, go boil the spot cleanser and mix the face mask. Mads, pick out the make-up. Biz, get the hair dye ready. I'll remove her make-up. Come on Chicks! Let's GO!

Harry found himself forced onto the bed by Jasmine. When she sat Jasmine put her legs' either side of Harry's torso and sat on his ex-crotch.

And this is what girls do after school? Harry thought… hmmm… I could get used to this.

"OH MY GOD! When did you last apply make-up!? It can't have been since this morning! I can't believe you didn't apply it at lunch. We always do! It's rule number 5! What were you doing that made you think you didn't need to apply more!?"

Harry gaped out her, how did this girl know he hadn't put on make-up? He decided from then on that this was something he couldn't fathom or get used to.

"Well… um… Zack said I looked nice natural and, well, I thought that I would… um… yeah… look natural.

At this news Jasmine went insane.

"YOU NEVER, EVER DO THAT AGAIN! ALWAYS APPLY MAKE-UP!!! RULE NUMBER 5, PANSY, RULE NUMBER 5!!"

Spit flew from Jasmine's lips as she pinned Harry onto the bed, arms either side of his head. Harry was absolutely terrified.

"Anyway," said Jasmine getting off him like nothing had happened, "I think it's just you need a good make over."

Harry sat up, this girl is insane, was one of the thoughts that occurred to him. Some of his other thoughts were:

-What is this green gunk in a bowl near Jade?

-Why have they lined up loads of fancy bras?

-Which one of these things is lipstick?

Seconds after he had sat up Harry was attacked, Jade flew at him armed with a face mask which she smeared down his face and onto his neck, then she practically poked his eyes' out with slices of cucumber.

Kylie sprinted towards him wielding, what looked like implements of torture (manicure tools).

With one foot out at an angle for Kylie to file his toes and with Jade covering his face with a fruity smelling substance, which had the consistency of tooth paste, Harry was transferred to a chair next to the sink to have his hair washed and highlighted.

Warm water gushed through Harry's hair as he felt the fruity stuff moulding around his face. He had a peek down at his toes under the fresh oranges over his eyes' to see his cuticles were now being prodded into position.

A dye brush stroked his hair and one of the other girls gave him a back massage.

Harry had just begun to settle into this when the oranges were removed from his eyes and his face mask violently ripped off.

"ARGHHH!! What in the name of carbs are you doing!?"

"Pain hurts' babe."

If Draco ever found out about this he had better be fucking grateful!

Just then Harry was attacked!!!

_**To be continued**_

**_People thanks to the three fantastic reviewers who replied mere minutes (okay hours), after this Fic was released. Thank you to all. Tell all of your friends about my Fic and all that jazz. See what happens to Harry in the next chapter!_**

_**You know you want to press that little button and make my day!**_

_**Sadly I am going to France and Belgium, so it may take longer than I like to update. Hang in there people, I will be back soon!**_

**_Love to you all! Jiggy. (and Philly and Hermione)_**

**_P.S. Thanks to _**Kelsey and xfilesoc and all the members for reviewing!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Authors notes:**_

_**1) I put too many of these notes in.**_

_**2) I apologise for not explaining earlier I am a girl. If you are one of the fans who made the mistake of calling me he I don't mind, but please refrain from it in future.**_

**_3 )In the last chapter it was supposed to be beauty hurts not pain that was a really stupid thing to put, but I do assure you that it was an accident._**

_**4) Sorry for changing the rating people but I got told that if there was sexual content and major swearing it had to be changed to an M, I thought I'd better do it now than later.**_

_**Any way… **_

Harry was attacked!

Brown mush was plonked in massive blobs onto both of his cheeks then at least two and a half pairs of hands began to soil him with what he assumed was some kind of face cream.

The hands stopped smothering him and he heard a voice.

"Foundation all done, now for the eyeliner!"

Harry braced himself. He was right to; both his lower lids were brutally pulled down, he couldn't see, he could feel a hard lead stabbing the inside of his lid.

"Arghh! Why the fuck are you trying to blind me!?"

"Pansy, if you would stop shrugging away it wouldn't hurt so much. Right, bitchs, eye shadow."

Harry's lids were suddenly released, he closed them to try and coax his eyes back to their natural position.

Hey, this is weird, why are they stroking my eyelids? Oh well, it feels nice.

The stroking stopped, he opened his eyes.

"NO! CLOSE YOUR EYES!" Jasmine barked at him. This girl definitely has a case, thought Harry as he reluctantly closed his eyes. What weapon of torture will they use now?

His eyelashes' were being pulled apart, one by one being separated from the others then left to hang helplessly all alone.

The tweaking stopped half way over his eyes.

He suddenly felt a clump of his eyelashes being pulled from their respective eye.

Harry must have screamed and tried to run or something, but he was suddenly pinned down with a girl shrieking in his ear for him to…

"FUCKING CALM DOWN!"

Harry was more scared than he had ever been in his life. He was struggling but his limbs and torso were being restrained.

He couldn't move, it was like a straight jacket…

He tasted cheese…

Wait a second… WTF?!

He opened his eyes…

One of the girls had stuffed a sock in his mouth, and the others had entangled him in a bed sheet. He was lying nose down on the cold stone floor.

"Pansy there's something that is wrong with you! You just completely cracked! We're worried about you, therefore because we are good friends we're going to finish off the make over with you in this state."

(i.e. unable to move.)

Harry was picked up and laid on the bed facing the ceiling.

"Now, where were we?" asked Jasmine.

"Oh, I remember…" cackled Jade, as a piercing scream filled the castle.

**_Ok I know this is a short chapter and the author's note is probably longer than the story, but I had to get it posted before I went home today because the chapter is on the school system, (which I obviously can't get to at home.)I will post the 4th chapter probably some time today or tomorrow. _**

_**Peace out, Jiggy.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Authors note: I apologise about the last chapter being so short, I thought that I wouldn't have the internet at home as I recently moved, but it turns out I do, hip hip hurrah. Thanks for all the reviews people they make me sooo happy! What lots of reviews also mean is that I may consider being nicer to Harry… but is that what you really want? Anyway another/lots of thanks to my editor, (I have to keep thanking her or she won't edit) (Not True, though it helps – Editor) Give it up for… Hermione!! Everyone Boos'

**_Well um yeah… anyway… _**

Is this what normal girls do?! Harry thought, as they tweaked his eyelashes into places they obviously didn't want to go. Would Hermione keep sorting out Ron's eyelashes if he was screaming with pain!?… Don't answer that.

Harry let off another blood curdling wail as eyebrows were separated from his forehead; he hadn't expected something as insignificant as EYEBROWS to have an effect on anyone's life. But here these girls were telling him that he should pay more attention to his eyebrows, as they needed, "A serious waxing."

What is a waxing!? Does it hurt as much as a makeover? If so he would strongly advise any man against it. Very strongly advise.

"Hot Chocolate break girls! Pansy we'll be right back, I would untie you but to be frank I can't be fucked to tie you up again." With this all the girls ran out of the room screaming,

"HOT CHOCOLATE!!"

Harry thought that this would be a good time to analyse the situation, as the girls had given him a torture break.

OK…

He was stuck wrapped in a sheet.

He had a day old sock in his mouth.

He was being tortured by Slytherins.

He was a girl.

There was no-way he was getting out of this alive.

He had only managed to talk to Draco once and that was because he had been drooling.

So… S'all good

S'all good.

Well, he would have to lie here until they came back and he would have to let them make him over.

But only because he loved Draco… not because he liked being made over… of course.

They came back in.

"Now Pansy, we are going to put your lipstick on then we are going to untie you, and after that you will go and mix us the face mask for Jade."

**_Over the course of the afternoon Harry discovered he didn't do so well with girlie things…_**

**_WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? HE MAJORLY FUCKED UP!!_**

_**I will elaborate: **_

_**He mixed the facemask with a foot cream.**_

**_He dyed Biz's hair the colour of that reflective Muggle clothing._**

_**He blew up the spot cleanser.**_

**_He ripped 3 of Kylie's nails off in one go._**

_**And he didn't give Mads any mascara. (Harry didn't understand the seriousness of this mistake but from the reaction, it must have been fairly bad.)**_

Jasmine pushed Harry back onto the bed.

Dear Lord, what am I in for now?!

Oh my god, is she going to give me a waxing or something?!

"Girls, go pick out a chick flick. I want to talk to Pansy."

The girls obediently filed out, muttering.

"You aren't Pansy." Jasmine stated, "I know your secret, and I know who you are."

He had been that obvious?

"Yes, you were really obvious you know."

Ok, this was creepy.

"I knew Pansy would never make a crap joke like asking me what my name was, and Pansy is always the best at makeovers. You should do your homework more thoroughly before you try to impersonate someone… Harry Potter."

Jesus, this is scary. How did she work that one out!?

"You're probably wondering how I managed to figure that one out."

WHO IS THIS FUCKING WOMAN?!!!?

"Well, to be honest Harry, I know it's you because I know everything about you, I've followed you, I've fantasised about you… I've fallen for you."

Well, Harry thought, when I turned into Pansy this was not one of the expected consequences.

"That's the only reason I don't turn you in. I know I'm a Slytherin but I wish I wasn't just so I could go near you without ruining my life. But I would gladly ruin my life for you, Harry, because I love you."

"Well, um, thanks… I guess," Harry stuttered, "WAIT, RE-WIND… LOVE!!??"

"Yes, Harry. Love. Don't you know what its like?" That's when she jumped him (or her).


	5. Chapter 5

I know its unexpected but I had to do something that meant something to the actual story line because, I do love Harry's make-over, but it was only supposed to be one chapter of the story; I just got carried away, I needed to do something that I thought was slightly relevant to what I'm actually writing about. Oh well. More thanks to the editor!! Love you all. On with the show!!

Editor's Note: As a person of a sensitive disposition, I would like to warn more of my kind that this chapter contains acts of sexual nature. Of course you knew this or you wouldn't have searched for M-rated stuff, but I'm just warning you.

Don't sue my employer or you'll have me to deal with! My glasses will end up somewhere unpleasant!

That's when she jumped him.

She kissed him full on. No, kiss isn't the word. She smashed her mouth against his, and stuck her tongue down his throat, she squeezed his breasts like there was no tomorrow.

This is definitely unexpected, thought Harry as he pulled himself together.

He pushed her away.

"You do know that technically you're kissing a girl," Harry told Jasmine.

"I don't care! Harry, all I need to do is imagine you, and I just give in to all temptation. Do you know how much I've fingered myself over you?"

Was that really called for?

"_Jasmine, Pansy, we have picked a flick. Are you guys coming or not?!"_

"Harry, do we have to go? I just want to stay here and kiss you…touch you."

"I'll tell you what, when I get back to my…less feminine self, I'll be your sex slave for an hour. BUT, only if you help me."

"Oh, Harry I'll do anything!"

"Ok. I want you to pretend to those girls out there that you have sorted me out. I was just upset because…"

"I know, your sex toy at home has found himself a girlfriend."

What!?

"Will those girls actually buy that kind of thing?! Never-mind. Anyway, pretend that that was what was wrong with me. Then I want you to keep everyone off my back tomorrow. I have something I need to do. Well, you might have guessed I have something to do, I don't generally turn into a girl. In the mean time tell me how I react and do all the girlie things we'll be doing tonight."

I'm not going to tell her what I'm doing tomorrow. Not after she just confessed her love for me.

"Oh by the way, I know what it is you want to do tomorrow."

**O-FUCKING-K IM GETTING REALLY FREAKED OUT BY THIS BITCH NOW!!**

"Don't be freaked out, Harry."

"How can you read my mind you freak of nature?"

"As I said before Harry. Love makes you do things that you never thought you would do. Because I haven't been able to talk to you all these years I've had to compensate. I've watched you every minute of the day possible since 1st year; I've followed you through thick and thin. I've been there in 1st year when you were in the forest on your detention with Draco. I was there in second year when you were following the spiders. I was there in 3rd year when you saved Sirius. I was there in 4th year when you were looking for a way to stay under water, the night before the 2nd task. I was there in 5th year when you and Granger went into the forest with Umbridge. I was there in all your meetings with Dumbledore last year. And this year I have never left your side. I may know you better than you know yourself; I know every secret, your favourite sayings, your opinions on animal rights activists. I know you're a bisexual. Oh Harry, I love you."

It didn't shock Harry that she launched herself at him yet again.

He just made sure he firmly shut his mouth.

"Jaz, Pansy, get on with it! We are going in 5 minutes" 

Harry briefly wondered what 'going in' meant. He then turned his attention back to Jasmine who was still firmly attached to his mouth.

"I'll hold you to that hour," she breathed, pulling away. "Follow me, when we go in just follow and copy me, babe. Remember, I love you."

Can she just finish telling me that? It makes me feel bad, thought Harry, as he meekly followed Jasmine into one of the other girls' rooms.

"Finally!" said Biz "We were starting to think you'd run off."

Wouldn't be surprising, Harry thought.

"Right, girls… we are going in."

GOING IN WHERE!? ARE THEY ABDUCTING ME!? IN?! IS THAT ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING SEX!? WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO MY SANITY?! WHERE IS IN!?

Well, Harry was just about to find out.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi all. Sorry I am making these chapters too short I know! I will try and make this one longer, promise! It's my birthday today (I need a life I'm writing fan fiction on my birthday!) 14th of Feb, there's always a fuss then but its never about my b-day…how sad! More thanks to editor etc…

Going in…

Curiosity ate at Harry like Lavender used to eat Ron, until he got with Hermione.

"O.K. what have you picked?" asked Jasmine.

"Clueless, it's such a cool flick! Who is going in 1st? Biz will! Then me, Mads, Pansy, Jade, Jasmine."

Biz stepped onto what looked like a muggle dance-mat, (Harry only knew because Dudley had bought one, figured out it involved exercise, and threw it out of the window.) only instead of any arrows it was just a plain black. Biz stood in the centre and the mat turned a fluorescent shade of green then in a whirl of silver and a loud fizz she disappeared. The other girls followed suit. The mat turned a shocking green each time one of them stepped on it, and then evaporated them with a fizz and a swirl.

It was Pansy/Harry's turn,

"Go on Pansy, we haven't got all day!" Jade grumbled.

"Look, Jade you go next. Pansy has…smudged her mascara! I must sort it out!"

"Fine, see you in a second." And Jade disappeared.

"That was a close one!" gasped Jasmine.

"Why? I don't get it. And where are we going?"

"Step on the mat and both of your questions will be answered," answered Jasmine in a layered hypnotic voice.

Harry obeyed.

The mat turned a bright shade of red, and with a loud bang, Harry vanished.

How had the mat known he had been a Gryffindor? He can't have been that obvious!

He was standing on a patch of gravel, and it was like the entire world was in re-wind mode. People whizzed past him, dogs madly sprayed trees and birds flew through him.

Wait a second, through him!?

Harry realised that this could not be the real world, because in the real world, you didn't get birds flying through you that often...as far as he knew anyway.

Jasmine appeared next to him.

"Cool isn't it?"

"Are you joking? This is torture! Do birds normally fly through people here? And does everyone always run around backwards?"

"No you fool! We are IN a chick flick. What do you think going IN meant?"

"I thought it was some weird sex toy."

"You have a sick mind… it's so hot! Anyway we are almost at the beginning and you haven't got a clue how to react to all of this… I don't have time to explain, just copy me."

"The beginning of what!?"

"The chick flick, you dolt."

With a sudden jolt the world stood still, it was the most unpleasant feeling Harry had ever felt. He felt like his entire digestive system would regurgitate itself.

He pulled himself together and noticed that now absolutely everything was stock-still.

He saw the other girls skipping, yes, skipping, towards him and Jasmine.

Come on girlies, the movie is about to start! We don't want to miss any! We have to get to the girls houses and flats!

Jasmine grabbed Harry by the arm (Harry thought she grabbed him with unnecessary force.) and pulled him along behind the other girls, who obviously did this FAR too often. They seemed to know exactly where they were going. They duck rolled through walls, hurled themselves upstairs, tore down corridors. How the heck do they know where they're going? Harry thought as Jasmine pulled him over a bridge. I mean how do they know where they are if they just barrel through anything they want? How do they keep track? Harry then became aware that he was standing in a house, in a bedroom, standing next to a girl.

"Oh goodie, we are just in time!"

For what?!

Just then it was like someone had pressed the play button, the girl let out an earth-trembling snore.

Harry's thought was: that ain't right.

Apparently that was the wrong thought to think, as just then all the girls started cooing and saying how sorry they were for her.

This is going to be tough.

_**Over the course of the movie Harry did many things wrong including the following:**_

_**Laugh when the girl is told that her dog has died.**_

_**Look shocked when the girl and her friend shopped for an entire day.**_

_**Get hugely turned on when the girl had sex (apparently she had sex with the wrong guy.)**_

_**And he didn't cry when the heroine and the hero broke up for the wrong reason.**_

The movie was drawing to a close and Harry was knackered.

The thing about a virtual movie is I'ts as if it was real (except the movie characters can't see you), this meant that the movie included lots of running and lots of walking.

"Time to go back to the real world girlies!" Mads told them wistfully.

Thank fucking goodness for that!

The movie ended predictably, the hero and heroine were together forever and ever (yay!), and with the last kiss the world disappeared, and Harry was engulfed in swirling colour, before he knew it he was (for the second time that day) lying face down on a stone floor.

"You know what time it is now girlies!"

Harry was dreading whatever was coming next, and he was right to…

"Its dildo time!!" all the girls squealed.

Hope you guys liked this chapter I'm trying to make them longer but it isn't working. Do you guys remember this I said I was going to have fun with the dildos later! You will find out exactly what I mean by fun in the next chapter… (Any spare editors wanting a job?-Editor) 

_**I'll keep you posted. But… Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to Jiggy, etc etc. Peace out, Jiggy.**_


	7. Chapter 7

I'm back! Sorry for the long wait for this chapter, when I began writing fan fiction I said – "Nothing will ever separate me and my Fics!" – What I never realised was that my mother would ever come between my fan fiction and me. She insisted I stay in bed due to a viral infection, but I'm back now!! Thanks to all the reviewers, I love you all!! You made a very mad old lady happy. Much thanks to my editor, who didn't want to edit this chapter due to content, but she did it anyway! Anyway I left Harry on the brink so let's return to him.

Harry had been wondering when they would decide to go for the kill. His life flashed before his eyes as he was lead back into the dorm where earlier he had been manicured, pedicured and things he didn't even know the name for. Oh, what he would give to go through that again if I meant avoiding… whatever was coming.

"Right bitches, first let's get kitted out!" squealed Jasmine.

Two thoughts immediately sprang to Harry,

Why isn't Jasmine helping me?

Kitted out?!?!?!?!

The girls were rummaging through the bags that they had brought earlier. Harry stood by what he said before – he would rather face Voldemort again than find out what was in those bags.

But find out he did.

The "bitches" began pulling out the most ridiculous lingerie that Harry had ever seen in his life: brown, black, pink, yellow, green, multi-coloured, see-through, frilly- some had bows stitched on every few inches. He could list all night, but sadly he didn't have all night.

"What are we wearing tonight?" asked Biz.

Hey, wait a second! Thought Harry, these girls (and me) are gonna put this on IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER?!

Then it occurred to Harry, they were gonna get in the 'sexy' lingerie and then show each other… what they got. Using a DILDO!

Harry had thought he had seen the worst when he had had his eyebrows plucked, but apparently not.

"Kylie! How about you choose what all of us will wear tonight." Jasmine said in a voice so sweet that Harry was surprised he wasn't sick then and there.

"Yay! I haven't chosen the lingerie since last month! This is so exciting."

That would have to be a matter of opinion, Harry thought.

Kylie made them all line up in alphabetical order (and Harry was just starting to think it couldn't get any weirder.)

Kylie made her way along the line handing out lingerie and a comment to each person.

Biz was given a deep purple Wonder bra and thong with gold lacing that Harry assumed were supposed to look like vines. ("Purple is so your colour!")

Jade was given a gel bra and pants so tiny Harry wondered if it was legal. They were a sky blue with a rainbow butterfly cross-stitched on one breast and rainbows arching over the thighs. ("It's like little kid lingerie! Harry wasn't sure that that should ever be said out loud again. It shows your personality.")

Jasmine was also given a gel bra and mini-pants, which were black with hot pink lace embroidering the edges. ("You should wear a gel bra more often, I've been looking recently and noticed that your boobs aren't as big as they could be.")

Mads was given a large support bra that Harry could have probably used as a hammock, and a thong which "gave it a sexy touch."

Pansy… This is just my luck… was given red thong and bra that were both completely see-through.

"Well girls, now that I've given you your kit, go put it on and meet back here in five minutes."

Harry shot towards the bath room, slammed the door and locked it.

The thought of Draco was the only thing that was keeping him going, the only thing that stopped him shouting, "TAKE AWAY YOUR SLEAZY UNDERWEAR, AND GIVE ME MY EYEBROWS BACK!"

Harry leant over the sink and breathed heavily out through his nose. Just to think a few hours ago he had been leaning over a sink desperate to get out, now he was leaning over sink desperate for it to swallow him.

"_Girls! Get you sexy pants on and get out here. I got the stuff!"_

What stuff? Harry had asked himself too many questions today and his head was beginning to pound. He resigned himself to the worst, slipped on the underwear he was convinced had once belonged to a hooker, and stepped out the bathroom towards his excruciatingly embarrassing fate.

I'll post again soon people I know this wasn't very long or very good, but I couldn't do the lingerie scene any better and I just wanted to get on with it. I'll keep you up-dated, Jiggy. 


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N Hi all I thought that I would put a little Harry Draco action(very mild action) in here, because I just couldn't wait. I know the little kid lingerie is weird ( why else do you think I would put it in?). O.k also in this chapter I will be having lots of fun with the Dildos. HeHe!_**

_**Tom & friends (you know who you are) do NOT read this chapter as it is beyond your age limit and I will not be responsible for nicking your innocence, because your mothers will be out for my blood – and your sister Tom.**_

_**I would especially like to thank the editor on this chapter because it may cause her to be taken into hospital to be put on a breathing apparatus (her mind is not up to my level in bad thoughts yet).**_

Harry left the bath room to have a pink fluffy towel thrust into his arms, "Put this on" said Jasmine. Harry put on the robe, thankful for this small blessing.

He tried to walk over to the bed, tried being the key word here. Walking was obviously moving his body around, and against the see-through netting of his…undergarments. Well, it was like having a cheese grater strapped to his chest.

"So Kylie, what over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder are you going to get on?"

"I was thinking the bra with candy stitched in the shape of a heart and the mini-pants with the zip on."

"Oh! That always looks so good on you especially the candy bra; it emphasizes your small boobs."

"OH MY GOD YOU BITCH I CAN'T BELIVE YOU JUST SAID THAT!"

Kylie stormed out looking ready to kill. Harry feared for the next person who walked down that corridor.

"Pansy you go and get her back, she took Big Ben with her!"

Harry left the room and, with his full concentration directed towards what Big Ben was, he began to walk down the corridor in the direction of a shocked looking first year.

"What happened? Where is she?" Harry asked the first year, who was now shaking so badly Harry was surprised he didn't drill a hole in the ground.

"She just came up to me and tore her robe off and shrieked into my face 'Do these tits look small to you?' and then she ran down the boys corridor and di-disappeared." With this the boy burst into hiccoughing tears and wailed about never being the same again.

Harry ignored him; he would get over it, and started down the corridor that the boy had pointed down.

He could here a wail coming from inside a room marked 'Draco Malfoy – Head Slytherin Prefect.' Harry's legs turned to mush as he thought about the way Draco had spoken to him earlier; he decided that he had better knock before he backed out.

Tap…Tap…

The wailing stopped; Harry took this as a signal to enter and walked in.

Harry was slightly shocked to see Kylie standing there in her pants and very little else.

"Are they really small Draco?"

"Well Kylie, they aren't the biggest…but I wouldn't say they are small. Let me take a guess, you're about a …C. That isn't small at all, babes."

"Thanks Draco, I can always rely on you to make me feel good."

Harry stood there throughout this conversation, completely shocked. He knew that these girls were odd, but…

"Hey, Pansy babes."

Oh my God… thought Harry, he spoke to me… He spoke to me!

"Pansy you're drooling."

Fuck!

"Just thinking of you Draco."

Draco raised one of his perfect eyebrows and gave Harry a sexy smile.

Harry was coming over all faint. He had to do something, at least break eye-contact, or he would be on the floor squealing with pleasure.

Quick, he thought, say something intelligent.

"Did you know that Lawrence of Arabia was gay?"

I think that I have just ruined Pansy's' life for her.

"No, Pansy I didn't. Who's Lawrence of Arabia?"

Maybe you can save yourself, change the subject.

"Kylie, I was worried about you, are you ok now?"

"Yes, I'm better now that I've talked to Draco." Kylie got her Candy bra and robe back on and straightened up. "Come on Pansy, let's go back to the other girls'."

Reluctantly Harry turned to leave.

"Just one thing Pansy." Harry's heart stopped. What could Draco possibly want from him when he was wearing a pink robe and bunny slippers?

Draco sauntered over until he was standing right in front of Harry. Draco leaned in…

Then he smashed Harry against the wall, grinding up against him, biting his lip, running his tongue slickly through Harry's' hot mouth.

Harry was pleasantly shocked for the first time that day, all he had to say was Draco could hurt a bit when he got rough.

Draco shoved him up against the wall harder and Harry felt a trickle of blood make its way down the back of his head where Draco had pushed his head too hard against the wall.

When I imagined Draco and me kissing, thought Harry, I never bled.

_**Right sorry people I did say I would do the Dildo this chapter but I put it off, yet again, this time I was just side-tracked by Draco and I didn't want to put the Dildo AND Draco in the same chapter.**_

**_I'll up-date the Dildo tomorrow. (Quietly thanks God- Editor)_**


	9. Chapter 9

**_Hi all. I know that I said that I would get dirty in the last chapter but my editor didn't seem too keen on thoroughly reading dirty scenes over and over. But now I have find someone who wants to edit this scene, so thanks Frizz and Renny! ( It turns out even they didn't want to – so thanks Herm!)_**

_**Also this may not be my best chapter as I have been worked to the bone today and am still ill, but even I'm desperate to get to the Harry/Draco action **_

_**Anyway this is the long awaited dildo chapter, that lots of people seem overly keen on reading. Slightly odd, but then again so is the chapter. Now I will leave you to get on with reading.**_

**_One last thing, it is not advised you read this chapter if you know me personally as you will never look at me in the same way again. _**

_**Also if you have a weak heart, do not read! It will shorten your life considerably.**_

_**TOM: THE WARNING STILL APPLIES**_

Harry hoped that if he ever got the chance to snog Draco again it wouldn't hurt this much – not the ideal first kiss. But Draco didn't know it was a first kiss so it was ok… right?

Draco suddenly pulled away from Harry and said,

"Pansy, are you all right? That was the worst pull ever."

To be perfectly honest Harry had been too shocked to do anything except stand there, so he settled for opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish.

Draco gave him an odd look.

"Ok Pansy, you need sprucing up! Go back to your friends, have fun, then come and find me tomorrow at about one o'clock in here and I'll help you along a little."

Harry hoped that Draco meant what he thought he meant, but he had learned that you never really know what is coming. Especially not round here.

Harry also had no intention of going with his 'friends to have 'fun'. He didn't have a death wish.

But it appeared he had no choice as Draco prodded him to check he was alive. "Pansy… Pansy," Harry took a last good look at Draco's sexy lips, and was dragged away by Kylie.

"Seriously Pansy, you need to pull yourself together. You've been acting really odd today. I know that guy at home dumped you but get over it! You are you and being you, you'll no doubt get another plaything in less than a minute. No, make that the second you go home."

"Thanks Kylie, I don't know what's been with me today, just been feeling a bit odd and dizzy. I might go and see Madam Pomfry tomorrow."

They arrived at the door back to the dorm. Harry pushed it open, dreading what he would find.

What he did find wasn't too bad. Just the girls sitting in a line on the bed.

"Hey girls! Now it's Dildo time!"

Harry decided then and there that nothing would ever be alright again, and he should never get in a jinxed situation for the rest of his life.

All the girls took off their robes, Harry copied them.

This is rather strange, he thought. We're all standing here in our underwear waiting for someone to say something, how do these girls get a kick out of this?

"Let's work on B.J.s first," Jade said meekly, "we haven't worked on them in ages and I need a few pointers."

"O.k. then," went Jasmine, taking charge yet again. "We'll start with them. Who'll demonstrate first?"

Biz took a Dildo off Kylie. The slogan 'Big Ben' screamed form the top to the bottom.

At least now I know what Big Ben is, thought Harry…

But I would rather not know, to be honest.

Biz lay on the bed on her back, and then flicked a switch on 'Big Ben'. It began to vibrate, and Harry suddenly realized how long it actually was, 15cm at the very least, but probably more.

He hoped if he ever had sex with Draco, that it was physically impossible to get that long, otherwise he would be unable to sit down for a week.

Ouch.

As he thought this Biz inserted BB (Big Ben) into her mouth and began to move it in and out, running her tongue along the bottom of it, and nibbling the end when ever she made it down that far.

Harry was disgusted, and probably scared for life.

Biz began writhing on the bed as if it was actually happening. Harry then noticed that all of the girls seemed to be egging her on. And when Biz twisted her tongue around BB and pulled it round, the other girls actually gasped at her daring. He even heard one say "I'll have to use that trick on Blaise some time."

Biz continued to writhe and buck slightly, twisting her tongue around and around, nibbling and sucking for all she was worth.

After a while she began to wind down, and with a large popping noise separated herself from BB.

"Wow!" gasped everyone except Harry, "You are the Blow-Job MASTER girl!!"

"Thanks guys, but with out all the encouragement you guys give me, I would never have become the expert I am today."

At this all the girls burst into a round of applause.

"Jasmine," said Mads "You're the best shagger – well, except Pansy- maybe you can show us how it is done."

"I'd be honoured."

Harry was pleased to get out of having to do anything, but if this was honouring, what would these girls do if they won the house cup for a change?!

Pansy took BB from Biz, then took it to the sink and washed it.

Insane as these girls are, Harry thought, at least they have a bit of common sense.

Pansy took her place on the bed that Biz had just vacated, and removed her pants. Harry's eyes widened considerably at that.

With the girls egging her on, Jasmine flicked a switch and the massive Dildo began to vibrate with the force of a blending machine. She inserted it into herself.

Her hands flew up as she grabbed the headboard arching her back, and moaning slightly with pleasure. She bounced up and down several times, then turned over and rubbed herself up and down the bed, her now white knuckles still clutching the headboard.

She turned over again and twisted and warped her body into weird shapes, that Harry assumed were moves for people with a … acquired taste.

After bucking for another few minutes, she let go, switched off BB and collapsed, breathing heavily. She then reached down and pulled BB out, and held it for one of the other girls to take so that they could wash it.

"Now Pansy," Jasmine breathed heavily, "It's your turn to show us how anal is done."

Harry couldn't believe she was doing this to him.

_**O.K. I've slightly extended the Dildo bit so that it runs into the next chapter. But you guys don't mind right? I'll up-date soon.**_

_**Thanks for all of the review! I now have over 50 and am very pleased with myself!**_

_**You know you want to press that little blue button and make my day!**_

(Editor twitches slightly You should pay me for that…)


	10. Chapter 10

**_I would like to say I massive thanks to all those who have reviewed, (I'm so chuffed with the amount of reviews I've been going round all night smiling like a loon and laughing at nothing in particular) I would also like to say thanks to crarmary, who suggested I get my editor a present which I am currently considering._**

A few hours later Harry dared to try and sit down again. He promptly shot up again wincing in pain.

After the girls' had suggested that he demonstrate a few pointers he had politely (but firmly) objected. But they had badgered him and egged him on, and Jasmine had put on another of her scary-shit acts. To be honest that was what made Harry agree, she had scared him so badly that he had said yes out of pure terror.

That had got him a place in Pansy's room, by himself, un-able to sit down and feeling utterly humiliated. Even though they would never know it was him (hopefully) he would still never get over the emotional trauma.

He had lain on the bed, only to be told that that was all wrong, he had then been made to drop down on all-fours in the dog position with his back arched down-wards. He had then been told by Jasmine she would help 'start her off'. He had been wary of this from the start, but was only expecting her to re-position him or something. Instead she had ripped off his cheese-grating lingerie and shoved BB up his ass like no-body's business. Harry had (not without reason) let out an ear-shredding scream, which the girls' had taken as a squeal of pleasure. Personally Harry thought that it had sounded nothing like a) 'squeal of pleasure' (more like a cry of intense pain) but thought that the girls' only thought it sounded like that because that's what they wanted to think.

After crying out and recovering his bearings Harry had the revelation that he should DO something now that it was up there. So he had begun to shake and squirm about a bit. When this looked like it wasn't going to be enough to convince them (two of the girls' already looked bored with his display) so Harry suddenly took on a yoga position which he had learned in his classes with Dumbledore to help clear his mind. The new adapted position (resembling a crab) made all the girls' gasp with excitement. Harry continued to adopt these insane poses ( which are extremely hard with at least two-thirds of a huge pole up you bum). He grew more and more daring, and the way the girls' 'ohhed' and 'ahhed' actually became pleasing. Harry was shocked that he was enjoying himself. Eventually he ran out of positions, bent down and let out another huge scream as he extracted Big Ben.

All of the girls' clapped and cheered him, and Harry was surprised/shocked to find that he was turning beetroot, and not for the right reason. He should have been embarrassed, but he was so pleased that he was being cheered due to his sexual ability. Needless to say it did nothing for his Manly ego.

He was still being patted on the back when he re-adjusted his robe.

All the girls' had then decided to get into pairs to practice, and of course Jasmine had somehow ended up with Harry. She quickly whispered in his ear 'You better make my hour that fantastic' and proceeded to rip off his robe, and shove a dildo up his ass for the second time that day.

This was the reason that Harry was now unable to sit down, while the rest of the girls went for more hot chocolate (how much of that drink could they consume in one night?!) he had made the excuse that he needed to sort himself out. (After several hours' of fake sex who wouldn't?) before they continued with their 'girly' night in.

Next on the agenda for the 'bitches' was secret telling. This was fairly self-explanatory to Harry (the first time that day he hadn't been confused.), but secret telling also apparently involved 'embarrassing moments'. That was Harry's dilemma, and he supposed he had very little time before the rest came back to think up an embarrassing moment.

Just as Harry managed to think of one all of the girls re-entered, carrying a silver tray piled high with steaming mugs' containing the best drink ever-invented (A/N: well, in my opinion anyway).

'Come on girls, it's Story Time.' Harry thought that sounded a lot like something a primary school teacher would say. Jasmine treated 'Story Time' like a primary school activity too, she made them all sit in a circle! The only difference between then and the infants was that they had now grown a bit, were swaddled in blankets and were all grasping steaming mugs of hot chocolate.

Biz began to tell HER most embarrassing story acquired over the last few months':

"_Well, you know that I'm seeing the DADA teacher? _(Harry thought the new one, Mr Baynes, was an ass hole.) _Well, he pretended to keep me behind after lesson so we could get it on again. Then he came up to me and threw me on his desk and was about to jump on me, but when I hit his desk I let out a huge smelly, wet fart! He looked absolutely disgusted!"_

Harry personally thought that this was extremely tame, although he was quite shocked to find out that Mr Baynes had been ravishing Slytherin Girls in secret, but judging by everyone else reaction it was not tame, they squealed and squawked and made a huge thing out of nothing.

"Now Pansy, tell us YOUR most embarrassing moment."

**_I would again like to say thanks to all of my reviewers! And the 9 people who have me on their favourite lists!_**

**_I will try and update soon, but sadly I have to go to Wales because my great grandma is turning 90, and I can't get on the internet on a lonely plain in the middle of no-where in Wales, in a house that hasn't quite left the Stone Age yet. I'll write it while I'm away though so that the second I get back I can update again. _**

_**Also my editor is feeling slightly undervalued so WHEN you review please leave a comment for her on how fantastic she is.**_

**_Thanks again! Jiggy & Hermione the editor. You know you wanna press that little blue button and make my day! _**


	11. Chapter 11

**_Hi all, really sorry for the delay, I never delay this long, but something happened that put me rather out of the mood for writing humour._**

_**Anyway I'm back now and will hopefully be back to my usual schedule of up-dating at the speed of e-mail.**_

_**I would also like to say that Harry/Pansy's embarrassing moment is one of my own, you have to feel sorry for me!**_

_**Also for the sake of this chapter, Snape never killed Dumbledore, Snape is a good guy.**_

_**I would also like you to all know about my new fish- Rasputin and Rumplestiltskin- (there was a Quasimodo but he went belly up.) I know that was kind of random, but I had to do a tribute to them as they are the only living beings who put up with me crap jokes all day.**_

**_Anyway, carrying on from the slight cliff hanger._**

_**I am also sending out a warning, there is sort of slash in this chapter, but I don't know if it counts because Harry is a girl. So technical Slash difficulty. But the warning is: it isn't Harry Draco. (This is weird slash, I'm not even sure if the stuff in this chapter is slash.)**_

_**Oh yes almost forgot, underlined italics are Harry's thoughts.**_

Harry's mind went blank.

_Why does the mind always go kaput when you need it?_

"Come on Pansy; tell us it can't be as bad as me and Mr Baynes."

_Think of an excuse to get out of there._

"Well…um…I…in the holidays… I went to a spa, and um in the steam bath I was feeling my way along the walls because it was so steamy and…"

Suddenly something came to mind.

"Well, yes, I was groping along the walls, and I didn't see that there was someone in front of me. I felt something very squishy. I heard a moan, and thought that that couldn't be good so I ducked behind the woman who was walking along behind me. The next thing I knew I heard a slapping noise and a scream, then another slapping noise. Then I saw the fat lady I had ducked behind and an old man storming out of the steam bath, I followed them to see what I had done and I found out that I had grabbed the guy's balls! He had then taken that as a sign and slapped the woman's bum! Needless to say, I decided not to take the blame."

All the girls stared at him blankly.

"Pansy, that is just gross."

_Crap._

Humour had never been Harry's strong point.

"You know what," said Harry, staring at the still full mugs of hot chocolate. "I'll go get some more drink; we're running a little low."

With that Harry sprang to his feet and waddled to the door, trying not to trip over his trailing duvet cover.

Outside he sank to the floor.

_I can't do this, I love Draco with all of my heart, but I'm being tortured, humiliated, I could go on but those are the first words that spring to mind. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I want him. But I don't want them_

_I want him._

_I want him._

_I want him._

As Harry thought about how he could never truly have Draco a tear slid down his cheek.

Harry pulled himself together, wiped away the tear and – with difficulty, due to the fact he is still wrapped in a duvet cover, - got to his feet.

_I can't have him now, but I will get him some day._

"Parkinson!"

Harry turned around to see Snape, walking as fast as he could without running, robes billowing behind him. (Hey, what else is new?)

"Professor Snape."

"Don't take that tone with me Parkinson." snarled Snape. Then his face suddenly relaxed, and he gestured towards a side door with his eyes.

But when he spoke again it was in his usual snarl, "Get in my office, I want to talk about your Potions work, or lack of it."

_Right… that was all the usual Snape stuff, except for the eye gesture. This can't be good._

Nether the less, Harry followed Snape into his office.

When they got into the office, Snape sat down looking his usual stern self and he fixed Harry with a typical Snape gaze.

_Thank you Lord he looks like he's about to start lecturing me. For a minute there I thought…_

"Suck me, beautiful."

**_O.K. I know that this is a very short chapter but I have to leave it there because I won't have this chapter on my system when I go home this weekend and I wanted to post this ASAP to let you know that I'm not dead._**

_**Quick question did anyone spot the 'American Pie' line?**_

**_Anyway a final note,(I say this in a mock teacher voice) the amount of reviews…well, it has just appalled me, I am disgusted with you. (Goes back to being normal weird self) Come on people you ca do better than five reviews per chapter, lets see if we can beat ten on this one. You know you want to press that little bluey-purple button and make my day! _**


	12. Chapter 12

_**OK I don't have a lot of time to write this chapter, I thought that I would be able to do it on Saturday but I have basically just slept the weekend away. Is it even possible to sleep for that long?!**_

_**Anyway carrying on from the last chapter and the technical difficulty with slash, (is it slash if one guy doesn't know that the other one is a guy?)**_

**_Quick note I do not want Snape and Harry to get together don't worry people Snape is just an (other) obstacle in Harry's goose chase for Draco._**

WHAT!? thought Harry. All hopes of Snape wanting to talk to him about work fled immediately, thoughts of how he was to get out of this came rushing to him.

I can say I'm ill, thought Harry.

"I'm really not feeling very well, Professor."

"Now Pansy," smarmed Snape. "What did I tell you about not calling me Professor? Which word were you moaning the last time you and I were together?"

First, ewww! Second, what am I supposed to call him!? thought Harry.

"Sevvy?"

"You got it babe."

Harry thought that he had seen the worst when Snape said 'Suck me, beautiful.' Apparently not. In first year, if someone had told him that in seven years he would turn himself into a girl for Draco Malfoy, and would then go on to hear his slimy Potions Professor call him 'beautiful' and 'babe', he would have laughed so hard he would probably have not made it to seventh year.

"As for feeling ill, Pansy, I have a potion that you can take."

Snape stood up and glided around the desk, running his fingers along it (Harry guessed it was supposed to be sexy.) Snape got to the other side of the desk, face to face with Harry, so close that their chests were almost touching. Snape looked down and pressed a potion bottle into Harry's hand.

Harry downed the tasteless potion in one. Maybe it would help; he wasn't lying when he said he wasn't feeling well.

"Is that better, sugar?"

Sugar!?

Harry wanted to shout 'NO!' but he didn't. What he did say was:

"Yes, thanks."

Snape held Harry's (or Pansy's- whichever you prefer) chin, and took it gently up so that he was looking Snape in the face.

Snape stepped closer, closing the small distance between them, still holding Harry's chin.

"Run your hand's through my hair Pansy, you know how much I love it."

Harry took his hands to Snape's hair and began running them through it.

Snape's hair was so greasy Harry was wondering if his hands would stick, then he would be stuck with Snape like this for eternity. The thought scared Harry senseless.

Snape gently nibbled at his own lip, which, true, was a very sexy move, but not on Snape.

Harry closed his eyes and tried to imagine the figure standing in front of him was Draco.

"Open your eyes, Pansy, you know how hard I get just from looking into your eyes".

Harry hoped that he would never know how hard Snape got. Ever.

Never the less Harry opened his eyes to find that Snape was now inches from his face. He jumped backwards letting out a yell.

Damn. He knew he shouldn't have done that. But if you open your eyes and find Snape inches away from you, wouldn't you do the same?

"Pansy, you're acting really odd today. If you don't want to tell me you don't have to, I can read your mind, and then we can talk about it."

Fuck! thought Harry, if Snape reads my mind I'm screwed! But if he doesn't I'm still screwed. By him!

"Pansy, I'm about to read what you are thinking at this moment. Don't worry, it won't hurt. I want to see what's bothering you."

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

"Pansy, it can't be that bad. Just think normally. I'll try again in a second. Just calm down."

OK, think something that will get him off my back and distract him.

Oh, My God. Snape looks really hot today, thought Harry, just the way his butt curves and the way his hair falls down to rest on his shoulders.

"If you really think that Pansy then come here."

No, No, No.

Harry walked over anyway, he didn't have much choice.

He walked into Snape's embrace.

Snape took a hold of his chin again.

He moved in and gently pressed his mouth to Harry's.

Harry was now beginning to feel quite ill. (Well, more ill.)

Snape began to put pressure into the kiss, pushing harder.

Then Snape opened his mouth and the most disgusting smell hit Harry; it was like rotting eggs and fish mixed in a bowl of Polly juice Potion.

Harry was almost sick in his mouth, but he managed to keep it down.

Then Snape began running his tongue along Harry's bottom lip. Harry had no choice but to obligingly open his mouth. Snape's tongue snaked into his mouth, slimy as a slug. (A/N Now Harry knows what Ron felt like in second year. Though personally I would rather eat slugs than do what Harry is doing now.)

After what felt like an age Snape broke them apart.

Thank the Lord! I'm free! thought Harry.

"Now babe, do you remember what we said that we were going to do last time?"

Yes, short chapter. And I am probably feeling as scared as you are. Don't worry this Harry Snape thing won't go to far, I just want to torture Harry at the moment.

**_Thanks for all of your reviews!! I hit 10 (well, actually 11 but one from the editor doesn't count.)(Hey! I ironed my hands!- Editor)_**

_**I have a game for us to play, let's see if we can beat 10 reviews on this chapter. Doesn't that sound like a fun game? **_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Thanks for all of your reviews! We have hit an overall of 90, and 12 for the last chapter that I posted. Yay!! You made a mad old lady a very happy mad old lady.**_

_**I would like to say that there is a tribute to one of my readers in here, as their reviews make me and my editor also want to throw ourselves into ponds. (Read reviews page and thank you Caramary.)**_

_**Chapter 13 the unlucky number, and extremely unlucky for Harry.**_

"No I don't think that I can recall… what we said last time."

Snape bent back down to Harry and whispered in his ear.

As he whispered Harry's eyes grew wide with astonishment.

He had to be fucking joking, not three times in one day!

"Bend over the desk!"

Out of shock, Harry went numb, this meant that he didn't realise when his duvet fell to floor.

"Did you wear this underwear for me?"

Harry had forgotten that he was still wearing the cheese grating underwear.

"Yes of course Sevvy."

"You know," said Snape, eyes fixed on Harry's pants, Snape licked his lips in a way that made Harry physically sick in his mouth. "You haven't invited me to one of your sleepovers for ages. I love the bit when you guys go for the Dildos', it's so sexy, you go wild and it's such a turn on." Snape pushed Harry's forehead onto the desk.

Harry almost died out of shock and disgust. Not only was Pansy having an affair with Snape, but the Slytherin Girls were inviting Snape to their dorms to watch them while they participated in their weird lesbian rituals.

_**(A/N Phili is reading this and is currently vomiting into a bin as she shrieks at me that I am writing poison.)**_

Harry had a thought, now that he wasn't facing Snape he could imagine that he was in fact with Draco.

Harry wondered how big Draco's cock was….. Verging on 9 inches maybe?

"Oh Pansy, you make me go crazy." That plan was ruined.

Harry turned round to see what Snape was doing now.

To his horror Snape had shed his trousers and was wanking, the problem was that….. urgh, Harry had seen longer thumbs than that!

Snape advanced on Harry, he almost screamed out loud.

…

But he was granted a few seconds of relief.

A voice drifted down the corridor…

"_Draco did you put that cauldron of pond water under my window?"_

"_No Mary it was probably Goyle over expending his brain power playing a prank."_

"_OK I'll just go back to my room and dry off. But I should really go and see Snape later."_

"_Oh that reminds me I need to see Snape now, I'll see you later."_

Snape gave a yelp and fled into the cupboard.

Harry silently thanked both Mary and God, and possibly combined the two.

Draco walked in.

What Harry had forgotten was that he was currently leaning over the desk wearing red see-through underwear.

"Pansy? What are you doing here? Where's Snape?"

"I thought you said that we would meet in Snape's office later."

"No I didn't I said we would meet in the dorm but…"

"Oh, that's great then let's go back to your dorm!"

"No, I think that we should stay in here. Snape isn't here to tell us to get out…and the room has a more…kinky feel."

"No! Let's go back to your dorm!"

"Oh, come on Pans! We've only done it in here once before." Draco pouted.

Nobody could resist that pout!

"Anything for you Draco."

"That's my bitch." breathed Draco.

Harry barely had time to think, 'I've been called a bitch enough times today.' before Draco launched himself across the desk towards Harry.

Harry stumbled and backed up into the cupboard, Draco thrust him up against it hard, grinding his pelvis against him/her.

At first Harry thought that Draco had the ability to echo his moans.

Then he realised something that made him want to hurl again.

Half of the moans being emitted were coming from inside the cupboard.

He had to get away.

"Draco we can't stay here."

"Why?"

"What if Snape comes back?"

"Oh, easily sorted."

Draco muttered the spell to lock the door.

Crap, thought Harry as Draco began to kiss him again, now there is no way out.

The moans were still coming from the cupboard but they were becoming urgent like they wanted more.

Draco pulled away.

"Pansy, what do you say to the idea of going inside the cupboard? It'll be nice and cosy in there." Draco said, as he cocked his eyebrow in a suggestive way.

"You know where I think we should go? Back to your dorm, or maybe in the corridor outside, anywhere but here, it's really stuffy."

"Go on Pansy, you know how being sweaty drives me crazy." Said Draco,

as his hand reached for the cupboard door.

_**I hope you liked this chapter. I'll be up-dating very soon.**_

_**You know that game we played in the last chapter? Wasn't it fun?! And we did so well, how about we play it again? This time lets see if we can make it over 15 reviews!**_


	14. Chapter 14

**_Hey all! I'm so thrilled, delighted, excited, ecstatic, overjoyed, pleased, elated, over the moon and tickled (don't ask me about the tickled bit, its what it says in the online thesaurus) that you lot like my fan fiction! Despite the 13 reviews, (YES 13! I know it's not many but I'm a noob so it is for me) I think that we could be doing so much better! Come on people!_**

_**This is just a random note that as a vegetarian I feel compelled to add: If all the people in the U.S. reduced their meat intake by ten percent then we could save up to one hundred MILLION starving people.**_

_**Anyway I know you are dying to read the rest so I will shut up.**_

**_I can't help myself, one last note, throughout the U.S. sixty six hundred thousand cows alone die every hour for consumption._**

_**Italics are Harry's thoughts**_

Draco's hand rested on the door knob.

Harry had to do something, but he couldn't think at all. He and Draco couldn't go in the cupboard; if they did… he couldn't even think what might happen.

So Harry did the only thing that he could think of.

He rugby tackled Draco.

When he thought about it later he could have done something less obvious, like kiss Draco passionately or something like that.

As you may expect Draco was slightly shocked by this gesture.

"PANSY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

_What do I say? I wonder how it would sound if I said 'I tackled you because you were about to go into the cupboard where our naked, turned-on potions professor is currently residing.'_

"PANSY! Answer me! What the fuck is going on?"

"Sorry, I fell."

_Damn me and my useless excuses for excuses!_

"That's ok babe."

_He took that surprisingly well._

"Now let's get in that cupboard."

_Damn._

And before Harry could protest any more, he was firmly pushed into the cupboard.

He stumbled forwards.

_This cupboard is so bloody big I'm surprised it doesn't go into Narnia. _( Editor- What? It's a classic!)

Harry reached into the back of the cupboard, just to clarify that Snape didn't actually have Narnia in his cupboard.

To Harry's horror, he grasped a 'trunk' of another kind, and quickly withdrew his hand as he heard Snape moan.

"I know you want me Pansy, but I haven't even got started yet." said Draco, who was now in the cupboard, and closing the door, leaving Harry with his hopes ebbing from him as the light disappeared.

He felt the warmth of Draco's body press against him, and the cold of the wood of the wardrobe squashing his back to a pulp as Draco applied pressure.

Things began to get a bit heavier, as Draco's hands wondered over Harry's borrowed chest, Harry was paralyzed with pleasure. He had dreamed of this moment! (Except in his dreams he was a guy and Snape wasn't with them)

Harry began breathing heavily as Draco applied more pressure grinding against him, and making him want to faint.

"Hey," said Draco "I just felt someone else in here."

_Trust Snape to ruin it!!_

Draco pulled away slightly, at the same time as withdrawing his wand from his pocket.

"Lumos."

The wand flickered like a faulty light-bulb.

Harry saw Snape behind Draco looming out of the Darkness, like a cheesy-horror film that, despite being cheesy, scares people shitless.

Harry stuttered and tried to get his bearings.

Draco must have seen 'Pansy's' eyes widen with terror, he peered behind him, and spotted Snape lurking, still dressed only in a pressed shirt.

_If Ron and Hermione could see me now. Picture this:_

_A faux Pansy Parkinson wearing a red see-through cheese grating bra and matching pants (which are currently round her ankles.)_

_The faux Pansy was recently being ravished in a cupboard by a fully dressed Draco._

_Said Draco has just spotted slimy Potions Professor lurking behind him wearing no trousers._

_Ron…he would still be laughing when he and Harry were old and wrinkly._

_Hermione would advise he read a book like 'Dating for complete idiots'_

_Harry resolved then and there never to tell them._

"Oh, Professor, what are you doing in your cupboard?" to Harry's surprise, Draco was amazingly un-surprised.

Harry expected Snape to reel off a story about finding ingredients for a potion to make his trousers disappear.

But Snape told Draco every detail!

Yes, the whole shebang!

With added groans and groin gestures at appropriate intervals.

"Sounds like fun," said Draco without a hint of sarcasm. "Now Sir, if you don't mind I'll take Pansy back to my room. I think it's my turn for a bit of fun."

_What am I- a hooker?_

_**Well… what do you think? Yes, No, Maybe, don't know? To be honest I don't care! Just let me know by reviewing! Lol, lets try and hit 15 reviews this time!**_

_**I'll up-date again soon!**_


	15. Chapter 15

**_Hey all, I know that this chapter has taken a really long time to write, there are several reasons for this: One, I have been over tired and spent most of my spare time asleep. Two, the weather has been really cold around here and my fingers dropped off for a while, as I'm sure you might have guessed this condition makes it quite hard to type, so I tried to type with my toes but that didn't work. Three, it is the end of term and seeing as I live at school I have a lot of packing to do as we aren't allowed to leave stuff here over the holidays. There have been brawls over spare boxes and one girl ended up with a black eye arguing over a suitcase._**

_**Couple that with writers block, and you get a long wait.**_

_**Anyway now that that has been explained I'm sure that you are all dying to read on.**_

Despite feeling like a hooker Harry felt as if he was about to take off with joy as Draco took hold of his hand and pulled him out of the cupboard.

Draco took off his shirt and held it out to Harry; Harry did yet another fantastic impression of a goldfish by opening and shutting his mouth for a few minutes.

Draco waved a hand in front of his face. "Hellooooooo, Earth calling Pansy."

Harry snapped his mouth shut, and realized with a pang that he had been drooling again. He wondered if it was actually human possible to produce this amount of spit and just drool it all out again.

"Pull your pants up."

Harry winced with embarrassment, and then winced again as the underwear grated off the top layer of his skin.

"And put this shirt on, we can't have you running round the dungeon hanging all over the place."

Harry personally thought that it didn't matter what he did, the Slytherin seventh year girls seemed messed up anyway, and were unlikely to care.

Never the less he did as he was told, slipping the silky material over his shoulders, making his grated skin feel more relaxed.

"Hey," said Snape poking his head out of the cupboard door, "Can I come?"

For the first time ever Harry saw Draco lose his cool. He went a violent shade of green, grabbed Harry by the hair and sprinted for the door.

Harry was out of the door before he could even scream. He felt an egg shape lump appearing on the top of his head.

But he didn't have time to dwell on this, as Draco, realising his mistake, had now grabbed Harry's hand, and began to pull him down the corridor, doing what felt like dislocating Harry's arm, and inflicting other serious injuries.

When they were round the corner Draco stopped.

Harry re-adjusted his arm.

"Sorry babe, but that was a slight shocker."

YOU think it was a shocker, think what this whole day has been for ME!

"Come on, let's go to my room, I need to tell you something."

And Draco began walking at a leisurely pace down the corridors.

Harry's joy came flooding back to him.

He was going to Draco's room.

He was going to have sex with Draco.

In his mind's eye Harry saw the words 'Sex with Draco' flash before him in multi-coloured neon strip lighting.

In his real eye Harry saw stone and realised that he had walked into a wall.

"Pansy, what the heck is wrong with you?"

Harry peeled himself off the wall.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about what we will do… when you take me to your room." Harry said, in what he hoped was a seductive voice.

"Pansy, are you coming down with something? Your voice sounds weird." Obviously not as seductive as Harry had hoped.

Draco continued to lead him down the corridor after that, dismissing Harry's oddness.

Harry hurried after him.

Harry could see that this was the last corridor until he got to Draco's room, he saw the door at the end of the corridor: it seem to give off a golden glow. His goal! He was so close!

A bawling first year came down the corridor.

Harry vowed for the second time that he would never jinx something again.

The first year came running down the corridor and flung himself at Draco, Harry was vividly reminded of something that he himself had done in the previously.

"DRACO!!" bawled the first year, scrabbling like he was being beaten. "THERE ARE SCARY GIRLS! I'M FRIGHTENED!"

Harry saw that it was the first year he had seen when he was looking for Kylie. It looked like Harry had been wrong, the poor boy would never get over it, and he would be scared for life.

To be honest with you Harry didn't give two shits about the scared first former, he was now seriously cheesed off that he and Draco had not made it back to the dorm yet.

To Harry's surprise Draco picked himself up, picked up the first year and bodily threw him across the hall.

Harry knew that the Slytherins were many things, but in this instance the word 'mad' sprung clearly to his mind.

But he didn't know that they were this violent.

What Harry hadn't realized was that before the little boy hit the wall Draco has cast a spongy spell. The first year was now bouncing haphazardly from wall to wall.

"It always shuts them up." Draco whispered.

Harry didn't really think the howls of terror emanating from the boy fell into the category of shutting up, but he was in no position to argue. So he merely followed Draco down the corridor, and through the door, which Harry had been dreaming of walking through for as long as he could remember.

Harry had not had a chance to look at the room when he had come in before, but now he could see that it was beautiful.

All cream stone, with a round jade fluffy rug covering a large area of the floor. An emperor size bed with green and silver-leaf patterned sheets. A beautiful dark-wood desk, and beside it were other doors leading off which appeared to go to more rooms. Green and sliver tapestries hung from the walls, depicting pictures of Draco himself, flying a broom, battling a Dragon, holding up a test with full marks, and a very odd one of Draco in a gay strip club.

Fuck, Harry thought, he had not realised at the time, but Draco has said that he was gay in the bathroom. Personally, Harry wasn't surprised he hadn't noticed. He had been splashing around in a toilet after all. Oh well, now that he thought about it Draco had also said that he would keep Pansy as a fuck buddy, so it was ok for the time being.

"Pansy, I'm sorry to tell you that I'm gay." said Draco, "I'm straight as a tree blowing in the wind."

This didn't bother Harry until…

"And I was planning on still having sex with you, but the problem is…. I can't get a hard on."

Damn, Harry knew that there had been something missing in the cupboard, generally he would have noticed something like that, but having Snape there had somewhat pre-occupied him.

"So, I'm sorry Pansy, but we just can't make anything happen."

Harry burst into tears. Draco's eyes went as wide as Dobby's before he pulled himself together.

"Pansy, I thought that you would be ok, I mean there are Crabbe and Goyle, they're single."

Even if this had made a blind bit of difference to Harry it still wouldn't have comforted him, it would have made him worse.

All he could think about was the fact that he had gone through all that,

He had been made over,

He had lost his eyebrows,

He had agreed to be a sex toy for an hour to cover up,

He had worn, and was still wearing underwear, that was grating holes in his skin,

He had had a dildo shoved inside him twice in the space of a few minutes,

And worst of all he had had to see Snape with no trousers on,

And now at the last hurdle he fell, like an elephant with no foot co-ordination, walking the high-wire over Niagara falls.

He couldn't help it, he flung him self at Draco, and cried his heart out into his toned chest.

"There, there Pansy, its ok, sleep in my bed tonight."

Harry brightened slightly, although he was still bawling his eyes out. Maybe all that he had done would be worth snuggling up with Draco for the night, even if there was no sex involved.

So with that Harry, still in Draco's tight, smooth embrace, was pulled under the covers.

He hadn't realised how tired he was.

But in the warmth of Draco's arms he was fast asleep within seconds.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The next day Harry woke up, he peered at the clock- it was about five in the afternoon.

He felt amazingly light, like he could float away.

He wondered for a moment why his vision was slightly fuzzy. But that fact was pushed from his mind as Draco's sleepy face came into sharp focus.

Draco smiled lazily at him, and then Harry saw his eyes widen with shock.

Draco reached up a finger, and with it traced the shape of a lightening bolt on Harry's forehead.

**_You like cliff hangers, non? The new chapter will hopefully be up soon. I'm quite proud of this one it is longer than the rest of them. But I'm not sure if it is better._**

**_You know what a new chapter means?! It means that you lot are supposed to leave me reviews! Because we love playing the review game so much!_**

**_Thanks for the fifteen reviews I got on the last chapter! And if you are one of those people who read and don't review then you should re-think. Let's pick the score up this chapter, aim for 20 reviews!_**

_**Later, Jiggy.**_

_**Oh! One last thing, in your reviews could you let me know if you like graphic or non-graphic scenes. If you don't like I won't write it. If you do I will write and post on another site.**_

_**You know you want to press that little bluey-purple button and make my day!**_


	16. Chapter 16

**_Hey all, didn't take as long to update as I thought, as it turns out I'm going to France next week instead of this week! Hehe, so this is nearly finished and there will probably be one more chapter after this (Shock Horror!) but I am thinking of making a sequel to this so if you would like another story along the same lines then review and let me know! Anyway I don't have much to say so here you are! Also I know I said there would be graphic scene in here, but I got side-tracked (again)._**

Damn! He must be back to his masculine self...

Harry suddenly realised that's what the lightness had been all about; he had lost his massive nunga-nungas! While he was pleased to be rid of those infuriating things he would rather have been weighed down with them forever than be found out!

It's why he was only able to see things that were mere inches from his face. He was short sighted and ... damn, he could barely (this read "cold barley" before I got to it- Editor) see anything!

He looked up, squinted and... Draco was as limp as a dead fish!

OH MY GOD!! thought Harry what if I've brought on a heart attack or something!

He had killed Draco Malfoy!

Harry checked his pulse; it was fairly regular, albeit a little fast.

Draco was out of it, this gave Harry a chance to run.

He began to do just that, his long legs going everywhere.

Unfortunately he couldn't keep this up for long, unable to see far he tripped and crashed into a wall.

Fuck, he thought, I'll never get out of the dungeons unseen!

Harry suddenly realised something that would haunt him for the rest of his life, he was still wearing that fucking underwear!

He tried to ease it off.

"SHIT!" Harry shrieked.

It was like running gravel along his balls. He hopped on the spot in agony.

Hark at me, he thought. If Ron and Hermione could see me now.

Standing by myself in the Slytherin quarters, in sleazy see-through underwear.

Ron would be a candidate or St Mungos due to lack of oxygen, un-able to breath from laughing.

Hermione he didn't even want to imagine...

He hoped if they ever did find out they would buy him a pair of scissors to get these bloody pants off!

But at the moment he had to figure out how to get out of here!

He tried again to get off the killer pants but it hurt too much.

Without realizing he had let out another scream.

He heard a snicker, he looked over to the bed and saw Draco (A/N well duh!) Draco was laughing quite loudly into his hand now.

Harry felt as if his pride was being bashed over the head by an angry Snape armed with a cactus and croquet mallet.

Draco had now taken to rolling around on the bed in hysterics.

Harry personally thought that this was unnecessary. So he stood up straight, faced Draco face on, put his feet hip width apart, placed his hands on his hips and opened his mouth to tell Draco to stop injuring his pride. But he was interrupted as Draco broke into another peal of laughter. Harry then realised his gesture must have looked even more ridiculous than anything else as he was still wearing the underwear.

"They, they always said I was mad!" said Draco breathlessly between more peals of laughter, "But I never believed them until now!"

In Harry's opinion Draco was mad, but for different reasons to what Draco thought.

"Draco, you aren't mad."

This just made Draco laugh a whole lot harder.

Then a thought occurred to Harry, it was perfect! Draco didn't think that he was real, he could use Draco's wand to summon his glasses (and some clothes) Then he could leave and Draco would never know it had actually been him!

Harry was just about to carry out his plan when a huge problem appeared; it came in the shape of himself through Draco's door.

The other Harry stood in the door dress in a pink fluffy dressing gown, wearing glasses. And looking a lot more like the real Harry Potter than Harry currently did at the moment.

This caused Draco to go into another fit of hysterics. Harry No.2 whipped around and saw the other Harry standing there wearing sleazy underwear.

Harry No.2 looked momentarily surprised, then collected himself and said, in very Lockhart like voice, "I am, of course, the real Harry Potter."

All Harry could do was stand there and splutter at this imposter who was claiming to be the real Harry!

"But...But I'M the REAL Harry!"

"That can't be possible because I'm the real Harry!" exclaimed the imposter.

They began to turn it into a pantomime, both insisting that THEY were the REAL Harry, while Draco rolled on his bed clutching the stitch in his side.

God damn me and my confusing life! thought Harry.

Draco had now gotten to his feet, and still laughing resolutely, he rubbed his eyes and shuffled to the bathroom muttering that sounded something like 'you're mad... they'll be gone when you get back...'

As soon as the door shut behind Draco the fraud tuned to face Harry.

"What the fuck are you still doing here?"

Harry thought that he was slightly behind this charlatan, as he was not asking himself 'What am I still doing here?' Instead he had moved onto more complex questions such as 'Why am I here in the first place?!'

"Harry! You look so sexy when you're confused!" said the sham.

As you can imagine Harry was more than a little confused.

"I suppose you want an explanation for why I did this."

No, I want an explanation for WHO you are, why can wait. Harry, however, didn't voice this thought, no matter how tempting.

"Well, to be honest," the phoney Harry told the valid Harry, "I couldn't resist making you look like an idiot..." _**I don't think I need your help with that! ** _"I know that if you looked like a twat you would have no chance with Draco, so I took the chance while you were recovering from being Pansy. I took a normal PJP to make me you for an hour, because I thought that if Draco hated you more than he already does, then you would lose hope and go out with me!"

Harry (being the idiot in this establishment) finally realised who it was (A/N and if you haven't realised yet you are worse than Harry).

He felt like an idiot, why had he not seen that Jasmine would try to do something that would make him look even more like an idiot! Damn those sneaky Slytherins!

But before he had a chance to tell her how much of a bitch she was, she had launched herself at him (again!).

I don't know if you know what it is like to be snogged by yourself, but it is slightly weird. (How do you know, may I ask?- Editor)

Actually slightly is a gross understatement.

Harry discovered that his mouth tasted of cinnamon and strawberries, with a trace of mint chocolate.

He loved it, he tasted of his favourite food!

As Jasmine's tongue entered his mouth Draco reappeared from the bath room, he saw Harry pulling 'Harry' and quickly with drew back into the bathroom muttering to himself.

"Look Jasmine... I will give you myself for two hours if you just...piss off!"

"No, if I can't persuade Draco not to have you then I never will"

Harry by this time was really pissed off. If you can imagine, he had come so close to Draco so many times, only to be stopped by the likes of Snape, Jasmine, howling first years and Draco himself! So not without reason Harry broke down, into a mood he had favoured in the fifth year, angst.

"I HATE YOU! YOU WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE! MY PARENTS ARE DEAD! AND EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU! I HATE EVERYTHING! MY LIFE IS A MESS! I HAVE NO FUTURE! SIRIUS IS DEAD! EVERYONE I LOVE IS DEAD! NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME! NO ONE GIVES A SHIT IF I LIVE OR DIE! DUMBLEDORE ONLY PUTS UP WITH ME BECAUSE I'M THE FUCKING SAVIOUR OF THE FUCKING WIZARDIN G WORLD! I HATE YOU! I HATE PUPPIES AND KITTENS, LITTLE BIRDS AND SUGAR AND SPICE! BUT I HATE YOU MORE, AND YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!"

Harry now had to stop to draw breath.

"Oh Harry... you are so edible when you are angry!"

Harry was so wound up by now his face turned a bright crimson and steam began pouring out of his ears as he vibrated like an electric drill. The room began to quake and Draco's four poster cracked down the middle. The knob on Draco's front door shattered and the tiny bits of metal soared across the room. The rug on Draco's floor burst into flame.

Harry only realised what he was doing when the rug caught fire, and even then he only noticed because he was standing in the middle of the rug. "SHIT!"

He jumped away from the rug as Jasmine fled out of the room. Harry was about to follow suit when he realised something he couldn't leave... Draco. By this time the bed had caught fire and the flames were licking along the four posts and jumping to the nearby hangings.

Draco chose this moment of come out of the bathroom. When he saw the charred remains of the rug, the burning bed, and the singed hangings, his eyes filled with shock. Then he shook his head and went back into the bathroom muttering to himself.

Harry looked around for something that would help him.

His eyes settled on the bedside table where Draco's wand was still set. Harry dived for it, snatched it up and was about to cast a spell to extinguish the fire when he noticed Draco's wand was also alight. He promptly dropped the wand. But he couldn't let it burn. He was now cornered by the fire and it was his only chance of escape.

So Harry decided to do something that is never advisable, he did what he had seen in a movie.

He stamped on the wand to try and get the fire out, but, as you might have guessed, the wand cracked and splintered in two under the pressure of Harry's foot.

Harry looked down at the shattered wand.

It would be impossible to restore, even with months of work, forget a few seconds.

He was truly screwed this time.

**_Sorry, this took longer than expected to write due to a bad bout of writers block (God damn it). I'm not sure when I will be able to put the next chapter up, it might be a while, but I assure you it will come!_**

**_Anyway let me know in the reviews you WILL be sending me whether you want a sequel or not, and if you don't know if you want a sequel just review me anyway! (Because you all love reviewing me! – as you proved with chapter 15, I got 31 reviews for it!) :D Much love Jiggy and Hermione XxX_**


	17. Chapter 17

**_Yet again this took a lot longer than expected, but it is here now: the last chapter! God, isn't it exciting? I am writing a sequel to this: it will be called 'Am I not worth it?' YAY!_**

_**There is sex in this, if you no likey you will leavey, flames will be used to roast marshmallows.(Editor: or cooking Tomo/Nakago – all Fushigi Yuugi fans will know what I am on)**_

_**Anyway I know you can't wait to finish this so on you go.**_

_**Italics Harry's thoughts.**_

_Shit! I can't believe I got myself into this, I outlived Voldemort! And now I am going to die because of Draco Malfoy, who repented anyway!_

Harry turned his back to the glinting flames. He preferred not to look death in the face.

His back immediately began perspiring as his body screamed out to him to go stick his butt in a freezer. Harry leant is head against the wall. _So this is how it is going to end, and I didn't even get to tell Draco I love him. _(A/N awww)

Harry felt his heels blister as the flames licked their way to his ankles. His underwear set alight and began burning happily.

"SHIT!" The latter hurt Harry so much that he screamed out this profanity.

He heard the slamming of a door and then the splash of running water. Smoke began to furl out of the room and a gust blew into Harry's grateful face. The room seemed to cool to a liveable temperature. Harry felt water spray across his obliging body (not to mention his slaggy underpants). Speaking of the underwear Harry felt it fall from his body with the force of the water. He presumed it had been burnt into its weakness by the towering wall of flames.

_Why am I not dead? It wouldn't have been that bad to die, it would mean that I would never have to go through the humiliation of rejection ever again._

Harry turned back around. Draco was standing there with a plastic bin full of water.

They stood there staring at each other.

"Harry..." Draco said weakly.

"Draco..." Harry said feebly.

Before Harry realised he had thrown his arms about Draco and hugged him tightly.

"Oh my God Draco, you scared me, I'm so glad you're ok!" Harry stopped as he realized he was stark naked with his arms wrapped securely around Draco's waist.

Normally he wouldn't be complaining about this, but the situation was slightly ...awkward.

He released Draco from his iron grip.

"I thought I was dreaming..." murmured Draco, more to himself than Harry. Draco then snapped back into himself, "What are you are doing here, Potter?"

"I...I... just..." Harry was on the verge of using another one of his crap excuses, but at the last moment he decided that he owed Draco a real explanation.

So it all came out.

Yes, the whole shebang, with embarrassing groans and over exaggerated hand gestures at (in) appropriate moments.

After Harry had finished his tale with one last wild hand motion Draco sat there in stunned silence (A/N what else is he suppose to do?!)

Somewhere is the conversation Harry and Draco had sunk sitting next to each other onto the smouldering bed, Draco out of shock, Harry out of lack of breath. Draco had also walked over to the wardrobe in a silent reverie and retrieved Harry some clothes.

"So that is why I was here," Harry finished. "And Draco," Harry stood up and turned to leave, "I love you."

Harry waited for a few seconds in the hope that Draco would respond.

_Please say something, please say something, pleases say something!_

He didn't.

Harry made his way to the door through the remains of Draco's room.

He rested his hand on the door to push it open (yes, Harry had realised it was a push door).

"Sorry about your room by the way."

And with that Harry pushed opened the door, stepped out and began striding down the corridor.

He felt a single salty tear streak down his cheek. He was walking away from the love of his life, but what else could he do? He had been rejected (yes, again). Maybe he would have to turn to Jasmine after all. His life stretched before him, a life full of something that looked like a skinny Goyle in drag.

_NO. That is beyond even me._

"Harry, come back!" Harry whipped around to see Draco standing at the far end of the corridor.

Harry's heart took over and his feet began to amble towards his one and only sex interest.

Cho was nothing, she was a minger. Ginny was nothing, she was a face eater anyway.

The blonde God now stood before him, light radiating from behind his head. (It was actually a light bulb but to the testosterone stricken Harry it looked twice as good as any cheesy sunbeam).

"Harry, I need to know." Draco whispered. "Is everything you said just now true?"

_I don't know anyone who would make that up! _(A/N except myself, of course)

"Yes, Draco, every word."

"You must really like me; even after all I've done..."

_He takes a while to catch on... SO HOT!_

Draco fell to his knees and Harry thought that he had fainted, but Draco brought his head up to look at Harry.

"You must really...love me."

_NOOO, you think?_

"You are just what I have been looking for; I've always wanted a man that will do anything for me!" Draco knelt on one knee. "Harry James Potter, will you make passionate love to me?"

Harry was so taken aback by this question he did another fantastic impression of a goldfish (which he now had to a T).

"Are you joking?" Harry asked Draco in a whisper, the whole thing was just too good to be true...

"Do I look like I'm joking, Potter? Now get your sexy ass back in my room."

A shocked (but slightly hard) Harry staggered back into Draco's dorm. He went back over to the bed and sat down.

He watched as Draco slinked back into the room and slammed the door, then turned sharply to face him, a seductive grin plastered on his face. Draco then stalked towards him, still grinning like a cat that got all the cream, and pushed him into a lying position onto the bed and settled himself onto Harry's no longer ex-crotch.

Harry could feel himself get even harder (if that was possible) as Draco lent down to capture his mouth in a blistering kiss.

Harry caught his breath as Draco nibbled his lip and then stroked the bitten skin with his tongue.

"Can I ask you a question?" asked Draco.

_Give me a chance!: _was what Harry wanted to say, but what he did say was; "Yes," Harry swallowed, "Babe."

Draco's grin widened even more, "Where is the real Pansy?"

_Shit..._

"I think that she...went on holiday."

_Damn me and my crap excuses...again._

"It's ok," Draco paused, "Sugar."

Harry mentally cringed.

"I don't mind what you did to her, she was a whore anyway." Draco continued.

_Thank God._

"I locked her in a cupboard."

Draco laughed and clapped, "Classic."

Sadly it is quite hard to clap and balance on someone else's chest, so as Draco was clapping he promptly fell off Harry, onto the floor with a bump.

_WHEN AM I GOING TO HAVE SEX ALREADY? _(A/N Remember folks: Harry is 17 and he hasn't had a testosterone outlet till now – he is slightly annoyed he can't get some.)

Regardless of Harry's sex crazed thoughts, he bent down to Draco who was hunched on the floor shaking. "Are you ok?" Harry took hold of Draco's shoulder and turned him over to see that he was laughing silently.

Harry couldn't help it, he cracked up.

They both sat on the floor laughing like loons on loon tablets for a few minutes.

Eventually Draco sat up and said, "Remind me what we were laughing about again."

Harry opened his mouth to tell Draco he didn't have a fucking clue, when Draco leaned across and kissed Harry with passionate pressure.

"Actually don't answer that... just let me have you."

Harry had no objection to Draco's half request, half command, so he let himself be pushed on the bed and... ravished (for want of a better word).

The kiss was bruising and hot...it was perfect for the lust struck Harry.

Draco's tongue was beautiful, sliding in and out of his mouth, his exquisite hands sliding across his chest as they relieved him of his shirt.

Harry then realised that he was lying there like a dead fish, too intoxicated to do anything.

_And that's attractive..._

Harry then decided to make up for his lack of participation. He grabbed Draco's arms and rolled on top of him, causing a surprised squeak from the blonde. Harry then proceeded to make up for lost time by unbuttoning Draco's shirt before the Slytherin had realised Harry was now dominant. Harry shed Draco's and his unbuttoned shirts, and he moved his free hand to Draco's trousers while his other hand twisted in Draco's hair.

Draco then flipped Harry over again so that said Draco was back on top, hands pressing into Harry shoulders, groin pressing into Harry's.

Harry had set his heart on being inside Draco so he flipped himself back on top, cupping Draco's face in his hands.

Yet again Draco rolled on top of Harry and proceeded to stroke his hips.

Again Harry tried to roll on top of Draco, only to hit the bed end, so rolled the other way, and went on to continue undoing Draco's trousers.

Harry and Draco began to resemble tumbleweed as they rolled back and forth across the bed, each trying to intimidate the other into the more...womanly position.

_This is stupid; I'm the manlier of us two._

"This is idiotic; I 'm more manly out of us both," said Draco.

_Whatever, you're the one who flicks his hair! _Harry then realised he had voiced this.

"At least I've never lost my dick!" said Draco.

"Exactly, I have every right to give being a woman a break!" exclaimed Harry.

"Well...well... fine, you'd better be a good shag," said Draco in a mock sulk. He then lay back on the bed and preened, jutting his hips and flexing his taught stomach.

It was an irresistible move. Harry fell onto Draco, twisting one hand through Draco's silky locks, and taking the other hand back to Draco's trousers, which he finally managed to remove. He then removed Draco's boxers.

Harry sat back on his haunches, and just looked at Draco, tracing his stomach muscles with his fingers.

"You're beautiful," Harry breathed.

"You are such an honest man, Harry,"

_Not quite the excepted answer..._

"Now, it's my turn."

Draco winked and with that had undone Harry's trousers before Harry could say 'Your turn to do what?'

Harry quickly stood up and slipped off said trousers. Draco pinged the elastic on Harry's boxers playfully, and then quickly pulled them down to his ankles, laughing at his own childish antics.

"Draco," Harry breathed "I know I want to do this, I love you, but is it what you want? Don't you want us to get to know each other more first?"

"Harry, I don't think that there's much more for me to know about you, the whole package is standing in front of me."

_Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh..._

Harry snorted, but said, "You know what I mean Draco."

Draco closed his eyes, and sighed, "Harry, I wasn't going to tell you this, but..."

_Oh Lord, this is the bit where it all ends and he tells me he doesn't like me, but he just wants a shag._

"I have always liked you, right from the first day we meet, I have always wanted to be with you. I didn't know what I was feeling at first but as the years wore on I begun to realise how I felt about you. I tried to approach you again but you rejected me." (A/N REJECTION!)

_I must have been blind not to notice it, but now I think about it I can see it clearly, the way he patronised me 24/7, the way he was always finding any excuse for us to meet at night._

"Harry, I have a confession to make," Draco whispered, Harry held his breath "Ilubyu." Draco said in a rush.

"What?"

"I said," Draco held his breath, "I love you."

Harry was happier in that moment than he had ever been in his life.

"Say that again," Harry demanded.

"I love you. I can see being your boyfriend is going to be a demanding job," Harry caught his breath, "That's assuming you want to be my boyfriend."

_I can't believe he would actually want to do that... I'm now the luckiest person at Hogwarts. Despite the fact I will have girls trying to kill me in my sleep for stealing the school's hottie._

"I want to do nothing more," Harry answered Draco.

Draco barely had time to smirk before Harry had pushed him back onto the bed and climbed on top of him.

Mouth on mouth, skin on skin, nothing could be better now they had each other.

Harry stroked Draco's hips as said Draco twisted his fingers into Harry's unruly hair.

Harry brought his hand across so that his hand was resting on Draco's stiffy. It made Draco moan softly into Harry's mouth.

Encouraged, Harry grasped Draco and began to stroke him causing Draco to arch his back slightly and practically pull out Harry's hair.

Draco moaned something into Harry's mouth. Harry pulled away to let him speak.

"Harry, you know that I want to do this," Draco whispered between moans, as Harry had continued to stroke him. Harry nodded. "It's in the bedside draw then," panted Draco.

Harry wondered what was in the bedside draw, so he detached his upper half from Draco and opened the surprisingly unhurt bedside table.

Inside he saw what appeared to be tube of toothpaste.

_Is my breath that bad?!_ Harry realised he had yet again voiced his thoughts.

Draco began to laugh as Harry's face tuned red as he realised his mistake.

It wasn't toothpaste.

_Lube!_

Harry felt like crawling under a rock and staying there.

Draco's laughter faded, and he looked at Harry, piercing him with his stormy eyes.

"And that's why I love you Harry Potter."

Harry picked up the 'toothpaste' and made his way back to Draco.

He knelt next to Draco, covering himself till he was sleek and shiny. He then coated his fingers, capped the bottle of lubricant and threw it aside.

He lay on top of Draco and proceeded to kiss him violently as Draco ran his hand along his back with one hand and with the other guided Harry to his throbbing cock.

Harry felt his hand being run down Draco's snail trail and then brush along his stiffy to tease his balls out of the way to rest in between Draco's upper thighs.

Draco caught his breath as Harry prodded him cautiously.

"Hurt me all you want Harry, I just want you inside me."

_Why would I want to hurt him?_

Harry, being the sheltered kid he is, did not realise that being broken into actually hurts quite a bit.

Not knowing this he jabbed Draco with two fingers as hard as he could.

Draco let out a screech like an injured bird.

So much for the previous statement.

Harry withdrew his fingers with shock, only to have Draco moan (through gritted teeth) for him to get his fingers back up his 'Sexy arse'.

(A/N My editor is currently mumbling something about excrement – we will ignore her)

(Editor: All I said was I hope Harry washes his hands after this.)

Harry placed three fingers inside Draco again, encouraging a groan.

"Don't stop Harry...don't...stop!" Draco screamed the last word as Harry removed his fingers and jammed himself as far inside Draco as he could.

(A/N & E-Note: That's gotta hurt.)

Draco gasped and groaned as Harry slid in and out of him again and again.

Harry begun fairly slow to help Draco to get used to the new intrusion, but after Draco's breathing begun to calm and he started to tell Harry to 'Get on with the best bit!' he began to get faster and faster in his thrusting.

Draco suddenly let out a banshee wail and spurted all over his and Harry's chest. This was the last straw to trigger Harry's fast approaching orgasm; he too let rip into Draco.

They both lay there shaking, each limp against the other.

"That," Harry said, when he had gathered his strength, "Was the most fantastic thing I have ever done in my life."

"Yes," replied Draco, "It was, my love."

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

_Three weeks later_

_Draco and I have now been together for exactly 3 weeks, 2 hours, 15 minutes and 46 seconds._

(A/N Isn't Harry cool?)

_I was surprised how well Ron and Hermione took it, I thought that they would never speak to me again but Hermione was so happy for me, and Ron cooled off after a few hours. The whole school was a bit shocked at first but now they seem alright with it- as long as me and Draco don't hold hands, or snog in corridors (well, in front of them anyway). As I predicted, some of the girls are out for my blood, especially Pansy who tried to cast Avada Kadavra on me in potions class. All I can say is thank the Lord she is a dunce – the spell only made Daffodils spout from my ears. Snape is acting a bit weird around Draco but he'll get over it, he and Pansy are getting on well, too well at times, despite a little tiff they had over two timing. The rest of the teachers don't seem to like it much, but as long as they don't walk in on us there isn't much they can do about it. Hehe._

Harry was wondering along the corridor thinking his thoughts in perfect bliss, when he heard a voice. "What are you doing wondering the corridors between classes, Potter?"

"I was looking for you."

"You should be, your show in potions class today was appalling."

Harry smiled and ran into the man's waiting arms.

"But I may forgive you because your performance behind that tapestry was beyond perfect." Harry looked into Draco's sparking eyes.

(A/N It is supposed to be sparking, not sparkling, despite my editor's incessant attempts to change it.)

Draco gave Harry a quick taste of his tongue before he told him he had to go get ready for their next class.

After Draco had gone Harry resumed floating down the corridor.

_I can't wait 'till we leave school, then me and Draco can live together. Everything is just so perfect. Nothing will ruin it._

He then saw Jasmine walking purposely down the corridor clutching a bag.

_Shit... I take it back._

"Harry, I was looking for you."

_I was hoping you wouldn't say that._

"Hi Jasmine,"

"Harry, let's cut the crap, I want it now."

_You want crap?_

"Want what?" It then dawned on Harry... the hour...

"You get it now?" Jasmine said pulling him into a side cupboard.

She shut the door behind them, and emptied the contents of her bag.

Harry was terrified to see a pair of bunny ears and matching thong with tail, some manacles, what appeared to be leather straps and a few other -Shudder- unnameable items.

"Put these on."

"WHAT?"

"All of it."

"But I'll have to strip!"

"I've seen it all before, in case you had forgotten I used to stalk you."

Harry had a terrible mental image of Jasmine poking her head round a corner to try and have a look at his 11 year old body.

Harry tried to undress as slow as he could until he felt a painful crack across his back. He looked round, to his horror he saw Jasmine holding a leather whip.

"Faster bitch, don't waste my time," she snarled.

Harry mentally promised himself he would never put Draco through S & M or bondage.

Harry, now changed, looked up to see that Jasmine had dressed like a cat burglar

"What are you doing?" was all Harry could think of to say.

"Seeing as you and Draco are now together I can never have you for real so I am going to humiliate you."

With that Jasmine caught his shoulders and pushed him out into the corridor, which was now filling up due to a lesson change over.

The first stragglers stared at Harry (A/N well, wouldn't you?) then Jasmine commanded him to bend over, when he did nothing she hit him with the whip.

"Get over, bitch."

Harry now realised she intended to humiliate him in front of the whole school.

But he had Draco now, and that was all that mattered, he didn't care what the rest of the school thought...so he might a well give Jasmine what she wanted.

So he bent over ad winced as the whip struck his backside, and curled round to slap his chest.

_**There we go, all finished! (Editor - YAY!) Now for the sequel (Editor – Damn). Don't worry she likes to edit really. (Editor – I would prefer payment.) The next one will be up soon, promise.**_

_**By the way thank you everyone for all the reviews, my editor has drawn you a picture to say thanks, go to: jinxjiggyandhexherm. and browse our gallery for the picture.**_

_**Speaking of reviews! Lets try and out do our top score (32) and go for a lot higher (What numbers are coming to your head now? 50...60...70) XD. I would appreciate it if you have been reading but not reviewing (You know who you are.) (Editor – Prods Espiroth). You know you want to press that little button and make my day!**_

_**XD Jiggy and Hermione XD**_


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